I had to pause a million times and gaze out the window before I could get my thoughts and emotions together. I had an excuse – for some reason, my glasses were getting foggy. I try to pretend that I’m tough and cold but when no one was looking, I cried.
I discovered what it was to fall in love again, to gaze into the eyes of some one so innocent. To see his purity and his genius all at the same moment. To feel giddy as he laughed and danced and spoke. It takes me back to the times when I used to read newspaper articles of him, watch his interviews, watch as his life was dissected, torn from its flesh in national television. To know that the world didn’t let him have his peace even when he fell down on his knees and wept to be left alone.
I am and will always be drawn to the magic he created – the power to move your body to his beats and to feel your soul come alive to his rhythm and roam free while his baby eyes (the only thing that was not scarred by world pressures) sparkled and spread joy. Inexplicable, uncontainable joy! I wish I knew him. I wish I could cover his ears for him to save him from the curses. I wish I could hold him and let him be the child he couldn’t. I wish I could love him for everything he was and everything he wasn’t. I wish we had nurtured him. He deserved everything. He got the opposite.
I’m sorry we ravaged who you were. I’m sorry we drove to jump over that cliff. I’m not sorry, though, that you showed us who you were and doing so, you made this world a better place.
RIP MJ. You will always be a part of how I look at the world!