As you look at your watch, I am reminded of how wonderful you look by the light of the fireside. And when you stifle a yawn, I rush to steal a sigh. Your hair looks wonderful and your eyes shine. I know it’s late. It’s almost 2. Before you leave, you make sure the door is locked.

Unless …

“Why don’t you stay for a while?”

I catch my breath. I don’t want my nerves to show. You might be frightened away by the intensity of my longing. It’s hard to say I love you.

I love you, dear.

And then your being is engulfed in smiles as you leave. And then you return with tears. I hold you wishing that all of my biggest fears don’t come true. Now it’s 4 and it’s time for you to leave. I know you’re wide awake. But I haven’t slept yet. I hope that you will get up to check if the door is locked. I need to tell you how I feel. It’s hard to say I love you.

I love you, dear.

You look at me and I worry that you know. Worry that things will change. That I will screw things up. You smile at me longingly.  You hope as I struggle to say the things I want to say.

“Why don’t you stay for a while?”

You leave with smiles. And come back with tears.