This is going to be a bit different and A rated compared to my others posts. So brace yourselves and if you’re in the mood for a story about my first trip overseas, read my guest blog over at 1001 Scribbles (where my friend Ana Silva posts some amazing travel stories and photos.) You might spot the inside of a UFO somewhere.
So it is Valentine’s Day today and we have to put up with posts that make us want to slit our wrists. This is normal. But with the turn of the century, we have new levels of craziness we have to deal with. And when I say crazy, I mean downright BIZARRE! And of all things weird, this TWIHARD nonsense just takes the cake. I mean, seriously, just take a look at the awkward places in which they put Robert Pattinson’s face and all the peculiar Twilight gifts you can buy your vampire crazy girlfriend or boyfriend.
1) Edward Cullen Tattoo
Nothing says “I love you” like a permanent tattoo – especially one that sparkles. Come on, you can’t get more thoughtful than this.
2) Panties Galore
The best thing about the Valentine excuse is that you can give your better half a gift that you can enjoy – yoga pants and lingerie and … well, you know what I mean. And for your Twilight crazy beau, I present you Edward Cullen on your crotch – Patti-Panties!
3) Come Alive at Night
If things get a bit frisky after your sexy panty walk, make sure to have these handy. Cover your stump before you hump, cloak the joker before you poke her – You get the drift.
4) Literary Love
For those intellectual types who want their lover to read more, make sure to buy them one of those classically tragic love stories – The Wuthering Heights. Not because it’s a brilliant book, but because it’s Bella and Edward Cullen’s most favourite literary piece. And if that doesn’t please them, paint a giant Edward sized shadow on the wall for those nights when you feel like being watched over. Not creepy at all!
5) Take Matters Into Your Own Hands
For those who’re planning to spend Valentine’s alone, remember, you don’t have to. This piece of art has a deathly pale flesh tone that sparkles in the sunlight and retains cold temperature. The description said “Toss it in the fridge for that authentic experience”
Yes, yes. You can all thank me later!
KIDDING! Meanwhile, while I was considering making a giant ‘I hate Valentines Day’ banner to hang up on our terrace, I came across these totally geeky cards that used lame puns and some clever computer references that you know I LOVE!
And then there were these words that you would NEVER say in person but with those cute cartoons, how can you resist?
And for those spamming meme sites with Forever Alone posts, here’s a piece of advice from the Great Interwebs!
And my most favourite one – I’m pretty sure my brother secretly wrote this!
To all of you who’ve put up with my shenanigans (I wanted some excuse to use that word. Okay?), Happy V-Day.
17 Comments Add yours
Sometimes it better to keep laughing then to say anything! So that’s what I am going to do. thanks for sharing.
Sometimes it’s all you can do. You’re right! 🙂 Thank you!
As I said before, this post is TOO FUNNY
Lol, Thank you Ashesh!
Wait, I love this blog and this post! Glad we were united through postcards!
I KNOW! I’m so excited! 🙂
I read this at uni and forgot to comment on it later. Ok, so those pantys are just scary. I can’t imagine a boy giving them to his gf for valentine’s because YUK!!! And I am now stuck with a mental image I could do very well without 🙂
I love the geeky cards though. Well, basically everything that is not Twishit!
Haha, yeah. These twilight peeps are just hilarious. The shit they do.
Delightful post.Thank you for liking my post (Women…) you have an interesting blog l will keep following.All the best.jalal
Right back at you Jalal!
Ha…enjoyed the greeting cards, but no way would I ever buy one.
Yeah, they’re quite hilarious. These were the ‘decent’ ones.
I would definitely buy one of those greeting cards! Muahaha!!! However, I’m not very romantic. Well, not in the typical Valentine-y way 😉
Haha, maybe that’s why these cards are so brilliant. Cause they aren’t cheesy romantic like valentines usually are!
Exactly! The clichéd cards show no creativity or individual thought. They’re insulting because they serve as scapegoats for people who don’t know how to truly communicate and explore their feelings. It makes me wonder if real emotion even exists with those that rely on cookie-cutter cards that quite frankly border on plagiarism.
On the other hand, “We go together like cut and paste”… Now that’s true romance :).
I love your blog!
Amen! I couldn’t have said it better myself. These pre-written cards mess with real emotional expression. It’s kinda depressing!