Just the weigh you are

30 Day Writing Challenge

Apparently a woman is only truly comfortable with her body in her 30s. So this must mean I’m in the love-hate stage of my relationship with the way I look, the way my body is in the early part of my late 20s (See how I’m trying to convince myself that I’m not that old?). This is fairly accurate. I suppose you don’t really care as much about what you eat when you’re a teenager because you’re active and you’ll burn all of it off anyway.That was partly my story as well.

When I got home from school, I would take off on the bike. I hated being indoors. On days when I was happy, I would go annoy Broseph Tinkerbell (my li’l brother) till he’d agree to sit on the back of the bike, the part where we were meant to put our bags), and we’d set off. I’d just cruise around for a while because he’d much rather be at home with his nose in some interesting philosophical book, maybe underlining a quote from Nietzsche he really loved (He was only 8!). When he least expected it I’d go down a steep winding path yelling “PREPARE FOR THE BUMPY RIDE!”. He hated it!

Adventure is out there
Adventure is out there!

When I was older, I’d sneak off from Math class to play basketball. We were nerds even in this rebellious behaviour. We’d finish all the “problems” at the end of the chapter the teacher was going on about, then finish all the sums for  the next 3 chapters as well and et voila! Freedom to shoot some hoops in a country where sports wasn’t supposed to be a thing ladies indulged in.

In University, I found out I had a lung problem. My lung was working at only 50% the capacity – so the doctor said I was not allowed to do anything strenuous, including sports or camping or go out in the sun or knock heads with the world because I was, and I’m not even joking, “allergic to nature”.

Oh no! Not nature again!
Oh no! Not nature again!

Something about that verdict really got me depressed and I stopped doing anything active. I devoured books, I wrote stories, I stayed away from doing the things that made me alive. Instead I would eat. I love food. It brings you comfort and we all know where this story goes. It wasn’t until I was in Tanzania when I was chasing around children that I realised that I had completely let it go.

When I made my way back home, I decided to do something about it. It’s been a year. I’ve lost 40 pounds and I feel so much more vibrant. But I’m at the point of my weight loss where you plateau no matter how much you exercise and watch what you eat. I think it needs a kick but I’m not sure where to begin. So when I weigh myself every week, it’s hard not to despair.

I love watching people’s jaw drop when they see me, exclaiming about how good I look. The joy is wearing off slowly though because when you workout to feel fit, the “oh you look gorgeous” bit gets a bit annoying. It’s a concept that is hard to explain – that you can look good and not feel healthy. Know what I mean?

Lovely to be male
Story of my life!

What do you do when your health regime isn’t going as well as you’d like? 

31 thoughts on “Just the weigh you are

  1. Nope. A woman is not comfortable in her body unless she decides. Age doesn’t matter. I have dear friends struggling with weight issues. I go through that. 2011-2012 were awesome for me to focus on my body, I never felt better. Being back in school, having little time, feeling too tired to exercise, I am already seeing my body diminish. Every morning, I feel my clothes shrinking (denial or fear). It’s really sad. The condition I have worsens if I put on weight, and it makes me put on weight. A constant struggle. My double chin is peeping out and my cheeks are looking chubbier as we speak. I am not eating junk. It’s the frikkin hormones. May be it’s the year I do what I can. *sigh*. I need to spiritually be okay with my body. I love it. I just wish I thought it was beautiful too. Some days I do.


    1. I know what you mean. I’m working 12 hours a day and am too knackered to do much else at home. But every morning I run for 40 minutes and still nothing. That’s what really gets me. Not for lack of trying.


    1. I did a cheat with that number. I spend 2.5 hours on the road. Now if it was highways with views, I can understand but here, people treat roads like large games of tetris. Point taken though. Work is overrated


  2. Maybe take a session or two with a personal trainer or a nutritionist to see if they can figure out why you’ve plateaued? Could be you’re gaining muscle mass while burning the fat.


  3. I find that thinking too much about it creates stress, which then adds the weight, or stifles the loss. Serenity in your own skin is very healing, physical and mental. And by the way, don’t worry about age, if someone calls you old, just pelt them with your bingo chips. Ha ha. sorry, I just had to 🙂


  4. I think the most important thing is that you don’t lose no ground. You where most likely fairly comfortable doing whatever you did to get where you are now, so stay with it while you think on it a while. I have lost 100 pounds over the last couple of years and sometimes I would stay the same for months at a time, but I never quit even if I was not going forward, sometime the body needs time to adjust to being the smaller you, and that adjustment sometimes don’t happen in days, weeks …. or even months, at least that was the way of it for me. The last 20 pounds is just hard, and takes time.

    Most of us are not going to be the ideal weight that we dream of (for me 169 pounds, but I am locked in at 180 and I am pretty happy about it all) be realistic. You may never be Twiggy https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twiggy but than if you stay with it you may look in the mirror one day and say “hey, I look damn good!”
    I am not skinny but when my friends that have known the fat me, say things like “wow, you are skinny” it sure makes me happy! Just because you ain’t perfect …. don’t mean you ain’t damn good!

    Oh, by the way, I love reading your posts and I think you should post everyday, forever 😉 I do enjoy your good humor.


    1. John, you’re absolutely right. I feel better about myself for keeping at it than being depressed that I’ve plateaued. It’s happened to me a few times this past year but then I looked leaner after a while because at the time, I was probably gaining muscle and losing fat. It’s like you said, I’m on my last 20 pounds and it feels like it’s taking a lot longer the rest of the weight took to disappear. Thank you for your comment. It’s really pumped me up. I’m not the sort to worry about weight, more about fitness – so you’re right again. How did you manage to lose your weight?

      Also, *blush* thank you SO much. Once I finish this set, I’ll think about doing another one (After a break of course!) . Thanks for all the encouragement!


      1. How I lost my weight. I have done this weight loss thing twice now ………… The first time I just exercised like a mad man (I could than, but not so much now), but that round I ended up messing up a knee and slowly gain the weight back over about 5 years. About 3 years ago I had me a new knee put in (total replacement) and I slowly start back exercising. This time around I could not go at it as hard (added a little age) but I stayed at the exercise but didn’t lose much weight, and then about 2.5 years ago I just quit eating bread and potatoes(this was the first time in my life I ever try controlling what I eat/dieting) and I kept exercising and that took off 50 pounds, nice I think! The last 50 pounds came off with the Atkins diet, which is now just a way of eating for me. I love to exercise and this is the first time ever for me to diet. For me the diet is just changing the way I eat and I plan on sticking to that over the years to come and I don’t mind. I do have 2 meals a month of just whatever I like but other than that I am good 🙂


          1. I learn a long time ago that I am not perfect, so I don’t try to be. On the over hand, I am mighty good sometime 🙂 Yes, do give yourself a break now and than, just keep in mind it is only a break and just like at work you only get breaks ever so often.


            1. That’s a really good way of looking at things. It’s just like you said, you need to be honest with yourself and realistic and keep at it and the rest will fall in place! Thank you 🙂


  5. I can totally relate to this… Well, parts of it, anyway. I’m going to turn 30 in just a few months. Honestly, I *do* feel I am better looking now in my late 20s than I did in my teens and early twenties. But I am *so* hard on myself. I exercise constantly and never feel like it’s enough. I try very hard not to eat a lot, but even then it’s not enough. I just wasn’t given a “model perfect” body, and I can’t change that, and sometimes it gets depressing. Of course I tell myself that that’s not the most important thing — and it isn’t — but sometimes it’s hard not to focus on it…

    Anyway, you are so beautiful in your gravatar image, I can’t imagine you ever being overweight. Are your lungs better at all now? I would DIE if doctors told me I couldn’t exercise! And yes it is terrible to look better but not feel better!!


    1. Awww Jessica. Thank you for this. It’s nice to know you aren’t totally alone even if the feeling isn’t an overly positive one. I know what you mean that being perfect body wise isnt as important as being healthy but like you said, sometimes it brings you down.

      And hey, I think you’re gorgeous. All those photos of you in Taiwan and Hong Kong. You are stunning.


  6. I didn’t even know you were allergic to nature that sucks! I don’t have any wisdom to impart on you here. Still love/hating my body most days and I doubt it will ever go away completely.


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