10 Lies Parents Tell You

30 Day Writing Challenge

We’ve all been told little white lies growing up. It’s not just a cultural thing, I find. Some of the lies are so universal. And inevitable – you’ll realise this when you start using them yourself. Before we begin though, I HAVE to share this Indian parent meme I found online. Go ahead, laugh!

Indian Parents

1. Change your appearance – Make a silly face and it will get stuck that way. I tried for so long all these “poses” Calvin is so good at and failed miserably. Led me to the conclusion that I must not be doing it right. Damn my lack of play dough consistency face.

Making Faces
2. Every ache has a reason – My mum was our resident doctor. Whenever I was ill, I’d hear her say “Oh, you have a headache in the middle of your forehead? It means you’re dehydrated. Drink water” “Oh, your little finger hurts? It means you aren’t eating enough vegetables”
3. Pet Adventures – I used to idolize my pets because they would always “run away” and go off on adventures. Usually for love. My parents once showed me a newspaper clipping of a cat that looked like ours our cat who had just been married to the love of her life. They had garlands around them. A proper Indian wedding!

Cat Marriage
4. Parents know everything – They are the true all knowing superheroes who not only manage to provide you with everything you need, they also know EVERYTHING. Where we came from, where we’re going, what is our purpose, why Mr. Neighbour was yelling at his wife (he was practicing for a play).
5. Chewing Gum Trees – Mum used to say that if you swallowed gum, it would stay in your system for 7 years. And in that 7 years, if you swallow a seed and god forbid it gets stuck in gum, you could grow a tree. I feel like I have many bonsai’s in me right now. I’m my own environmentalist.

Stomach Trees

6. Beauty Tips – These aren’t what my parents have said. On a list of priorities, appearance was the last thing. But these are lines I have heard other parents use “If you eat meat, you’ll become dark”, “If you eat too much chocolate, your hair will fall out”, “If you drink coffee, you’ll get pimples”. If you want to be fair, with luscious hair and flawless skin, STAY AWAY from meat, chocolate and coffee. Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you.
7. Saving the world – Every time we fussed about food (which was fairly rare in comparison considering aid worker parents) we’d get the standard “Do you know how many people are starving?” Before we were old enough to understand the true lesson, we assumed that if you ate without wasting anything, those starving multitudes would be hungry no more!

Superhero
Totally legit selfie of me saving the world!

8. Yummy in the Tummy –Β Noodles Worms, Pasta Intestines , Chicken Wings Frog Legs were the TASTIEST meals we’ve ever had in our lives. The more disgusting, the better tasting.
9. Distance – We’re always “almost there” whenever we were on a road trip. They’re make us start singing countdown songs like those green bottles, 12 days of Christmas and local equivalents. Then we’d start counting backwards from 10,000. Then we’d start counting red cars. No matter how long the destination, we would almost always just be 5 minutes away.
10 The Afterlife – Tales of the afterlife always changed based on my favourite story. As far as I’ve figured out, the afterlife is a place on the moon that is paved in gold and buildings are made out of candy. The hills are made out of chocolate and the snowcaps are vanilla icecream. Everything is free and you never have to work a day in your life. You can read all the books you want, watch all the tv you want.

P.S.Β Santa is a real person and I don’t care what you say.

28 thoughts on “10 Lies Parents Tell You

  1. Ahahaha, yes, the almost there thing drove me nuts. My Mom was a queen at that! She’d say she would be home soon. Well soon turned into a couple of hours at times. Ugh.

    Also, the trees growing inside you, got told that before or the gum would not pass through my system at all if I swallowed it.

    A popular thing was also, ‘You get rectangle eyes if you watch all that TV’. Well, my eyes still look the way they should even though I spent a LOT of time in front of the telly.

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  2. #3, Aww!
    #9, I fell for the road trip thing every time. ‘Count the trucks’, they’d say. So I counted, I counted every single one of them! And then nobody would ask me how many trucks I counted when we got there. Drove me crazy as a kid!

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  3. This evening we had another rasam and rice dinner and my youngest rebelled leading me to the “people are starving in the world” speech! There you go, it never changes! πŸ™‚ I’ve been told all these lies, Anju and lived to repeat them on my own unsuspecting little ladies…I think I’ve added a few of my own! Loved the marriage of the pets, that’s just epic (and very believable ;P) ! I love reading you.

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  4. Ha ha… Excellent post, you are a genius. Can I be your apprentice? I lots good can learn.
    You actually have made me feel better about the stuff that I am writing on my blog. Every now and again I have a mini crisis about how many humorous posts I write on my blog and whether I am being realistic about the world or not. I especially think this when the majority of blog posts and blogs that I see seem to be devoid of any humour. In fact sometimes I get the impression that humour is actually frowned upon. Perhaps there is a part of me that tries to be funny so that I can avoid being serious, perhaps I over think things too much, perhaps…

    I once got a comment out of the blue on my blog from someone who is serving a 113 years prison sentence for something he didn’t do, part of his comment said…

    “Without humor, there would be no beauty in this world. No one says you have to win a Pulitzer or Nobel; understand that you are getting people to THINK, a gift that few even know how to open anymore. I haven’t sat under a tree in almost three years, so your pictures are a way to see and feel a world that is like a dream now. I am lucky to feel the sun for one hour in a week. You allow others to see a different side of things, which is the point to your blog, yes? Without laughter I would not have made it this far. Carry on…”

    Keep on being humorous, there are a lot more people that appreciate it than what you may think do. Indeed, without laughter I would not have made it this far. Carry on…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You always know what to say don’t you? That person’s comment is so poignant and true. I have had people tell me I can never take things seriously but life is tough enough without the ban on giggles. So why not! Hope you’ve had a good Crimbo and a big fight with Santa about who the sack rightly belongs to πŸ˜‰

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