I had a bizarre dream last night. It started of as a stress dream about work. I was sent out on an errand. While wandering the streets, I saw an old Caucasian man sipping a cup of chai (the elixir of life). I felt a sudden and unconquerable urge to buy myself a cuppa. I asked him where it was. He pointed me to a scene that made my chest constrict and my eyes tear up.
Unfortunately, I had to get to work so I had to peel my eyes off, wipe off my drool and slowly walk away. While attending to boring work details, I suddenly hit upon a thought that work didn’t really care about me, so why should I care about them? It was an idea put into my head thanks to a lovely cup of chai. And so I left work and went in search of the chai wallah.
I couldn’t find him.
Someone bumped into me and I found myself holding a key to a dilapidated old staircase. I decided I might as well climb it and see what was above. After a long “I’m going to die”climb, I reached the top. Opened the creaky door at the end of the claustrophobia inducing tunnel.
What I saw next blew my mind. Instead of blue sky, the earth was filled with green, misty mountains and rivers. So when I looked up, I could see mountains instead of stars and the sky was where the rivers were supposed to flow. I was on a tiny ledge on a cliff. It had a tiny wall around it to stop people from accidentally falling off, I guess.
And there on the corner of the ledge was the hot kettle of masala chai.
You know how being Bangalorean is a matter of pride, drilled into you from when you could say “poda”. Imagine my thrill when #YouAreBangaloreanIf became a trending topic on Twitter. My usually lazy self was suddenly inspired to actually get to writing something.
You are Bangalorean If
1) You’ve tasted Death by Chocolate at Corner House
2) The only other city you can tolerate is Mysore
3) You have a coffee or chai shop where the uncle serves you “the usual” before you can even sit down
4) You hate the Mumbai Indians more than you hate your Ex
5) You worship Annavaru and his little boy Puneet
6) You know what a rivalry between Josephs, JNC, MCC and Christs means.
7) You walk around Lalbagh attempting to lose weight and then wait for 45 mins to dig into sinful breakfast at MTR
8) You order 5 coffees in 10 minutes at Airlines
9) Your idea of a long drive is to the Airport at midnight
10) You mentally rehearse your approach before talking to an auto driver.
11) You’ve given out the NIMHANS number as your personal cell number and then cracked some joke about a basket of fruits
12) You measure distance in minutes and hours and not in kilometers
13) A pitcher at Pecos or Guzzlers completes your week
14) You buy all your books at Blossoms
15) All your bars play Classic Rock
16) You remember Plaza and Galaxy Theatres
17) You’ve attended at least one play each at Alliance Francaise and Ranga Sankara
18) You still quote “Yella Okay. Cool Drink Yaake?”
19) You randomly start singing “You pick the time. Tick Tick Tick Tick” whenever someone wants to know when to meet you.
20) You take your dosas with red chutney and you take your coffees by two!