The Perks Of Dating A Teacher

My mum was a teacher when we were growing up. She eventually gave it up for non-governmental, non-profit work but there are still embarrassing memories of being treated as a teacher’s daughter. However, being as young as I was back then, some of these memories have blurred into one and have started to fade. I am, now, however, dating a bookie-turned-writer-turned-teacher. This brings with it its set of perks!

You appreciate the mornings –

Our day starts at 5am, the unholy time his annoying alarm starts chirping. No matter what stage of sleep I am in, once that alarm goes off, my day begins. Even if my work starts at a more normal hour of day, I am forced given the opportunity to literally listen to pre-sunrise birds. The three hours I gain from this means I have time to binge watch the blacklist go to the gym and eat a healthy breakfast.

You appreciate the nights –

Having woken up at unearthly hours means that your body is slowly fading by the late twentyonehunderhours. This means that the three hours that you do get from the time you leave work are spent in the best way possible – cooking a meal, binge watching ‘Making a Murderer’ while he either grades papers or lesson plans spending quality time together and sleeping. Weeknight date nights? Umm, what’s that?

You appreciate the weekends –

A teacher’s idea of a lie in during the weekend means waking up at 7am in the morning! When you date someone who is a loud waker-uper, you are doomed given the gift of having a really long weekend. So instead of waking up shortly past noon, you have the whole day ahead of you to do whatever you want. Unless, of course, he’s brought the lesson plans home again.

You appreciate your health –

Working with cold-carrying munchkins kids means you become quite kid too. This has helped me take to naturally occurring sources of Vitamin C like it is the newest weight loss fad. This also means that I have become quite good at tossing masks at his face and ducking for cover every-time I hear a sneeze making hot chicken noodle soup and being the excellent nurse that I am.

You never stop learning –

If you are lucky enough, you get to hear their teacher voices all the time. You not only get to brush up on nursery rhymes you thought you’d hear again. Sometimes when a point is being made, certain people (I’m not naming any names) stand up and make the point. On the plus side, you get to be up to date with the latest hits on the 2016 nursery rhyme chart!

Go find yourself a teacher. If nothing else, you will get ugly adorable fridge magnets and wall hangings to decorate your house!

Just Bangkok Things

I have come across some really bizarre things in my month in Bangkok – enough to know that there is never a dull day in this city. Here are a few things that make Bangkok what it is –

Dry Ice Drink at Steam Pug Bangkok
Smoky Drinks
AIS Scratch Card
Scratch Cards for Mobile Phone Top Ups
Makura Cat Cafe Bangkok
Caffiene and Cats at Cafes.
Rod Fai Market Bangkok
Vintage Bikes at Hipster Markets
Seacon Square Bangkok
Food, so much colourful food!
Secon Square Bangkok
Roosters in Malls
Brewtopia II Bangkok
Nerdy Craft Beer
Brewtopia II
Freaky Graffiti
Seacon Square
People colouring themselves black to represent tribals (no such thing as politically correct here!)
Rod Fai Market Bangkok
Aliens – not immigrants, we are talking about the x-files variety
Rambutans
Hairy, juicy fruits
Quirky Eats Bangkok
Mmmm Pork
Artbox Bangkok
Fish Ice-Cream anyone?
Seacon Square
For all your knife needs. Not dangerous at all!
Chatuchak Market BTS Bangkok
This sort of sunset every night!
Gateway Ekkamai
Erm, yes.
Art Box Bangkok
For when you need to mainline alcohol – the Doctor’s Order. A drip bag cocktail!
Chatuchak Weekend Market Bangkok
When your mantelpiece is missing phallic shaped art!
Artbox Bangkok
Markets! So many markets!
Love at First Sit Bangkok
Toilet Lorries. Beats concert loos any day!
Chatuchak Weekend Market
I don’t even have the words for this!

Stay tuned for more in the series! 😀

What’s in a Name?

I am lucky to have always had a place of work that doesn’t require elaborate escape into your own world plans. In my previous office, I was for the first time subject to people who tried to kill each other every afternoon. Now, work does that to you – makes you a monster. But this was on a whole new level. When they weren’t busy playing TF2, they were busy creating ingenious words.

In this office, and apparently it’s a Thai thing, I work with Rong, Champ, Bird, Apple and One (Can you imagine how many ‘The One’ jokes you can make with that?). People’s names are so hard to pronounce that they adopt a nickname. In my three weeks here, not a day has gone by where I’ve dreamt of turning Thai (if one is allowed to change one’s culture and race) just so I could adopt a cool nickname.

This also means that I get the pleasure of having such conversations –

Colleague – Who conducted the meeting?
Me – It was Long!
Colleague – No, I mean WHO conducted it, not how was it!
Me – Yeah, that’s what I mean. It was Long.
Colleague – ARGH!

Me – I’m really struggling with this CMS. What do I do?
Boss – Don’t worry. P’Phol will lend you a hand whenever you have trouble.
Me – People are great and all, but how are they going to help me with code?
Boss – P’Phol’s a she, not a they!

Friend – How was your first day at work?
Me – It was amazing. I got to work on a Magazine. Thor really helped me with that!
Friend – Oh yes, you’re a regular Avenger now.

Thor

That’s another thing I have discovered. People add ‘P’ in front of name to mean brother or sister. Someone who is of your generation but slightly older. This in itself is fine but when you combine it with unfortunate nicknames (e.g. Now) you can imagine how hilarious it would be. Juvenile, yes. Still, hilarious.

On the other hand, if ever I get bored of learning about Thai etiquette and culture, I can always Google cool nicknames. What do you think of ‘Her Majesty’. I quite like the sound of that!

Damn Hormones!

Nephew – Princess Pea was crying today when I gave her some chocolate

Me – Why?

Nephew (dropping his voice to a whisper) – I don’t know. I think she got hormones.

(Things kids pick up while eavesdropping on conversations about your pregnant sister)

Top Ten Thursdays

I know, I know. I’ve already tried to create regular post ideas in order to get me to write more. And they have failed, miserably. But hey, I’m spending so much of time at work every week – being online, overhearing things I probably shouldn’t, nurturing giggle fits – this could just work, right?

Gif of Walter White saying "you're goddamn right"
A little bit of Heisenberg Validation!

So this week I thought I’d write all the things I’ve heard or seen that have made me nearly spit out my hot tea.

1) “They’re not that talented but that that last minute quickie gave them a semi” – talking about a local football game the rival team won which put them in the semi-finals

2) “Oh my God dudes, this Gusvinder is too badass dude. That old man went ring-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding and TAPAR! What a scene!” Seems the office has come on board the Breaking Bad Train

3) Colleague 1 – Dude, what’s your gaming name? I’ll add you
Colleague 2 – Cock
Colleague 1 – What?
Colleague 2 – Cock dude. Who doesn’t want cock? Come on, it’s that Heisenberg speech!
Colleague 1- Oh, you mean coke
Colleague 2 – Yes, that’s what I said. Cock.

4) “I don’t know why he has to detail every single thing he does in the gym, like he’s so macho. I just want to tell him – Dude, unless you fall of the treadmill or drop the weights on your face, I don’t want to know”

5) “For the last time, this is not lipstick. It’s a lip conditioner. It’s like pimped up chapstick. For men”

6) Colleague 1 – Why is there an England Flag on your desk?
Colleague 2 – Oh Britain and India have had like a thing like forever now. You didn’t know?

7) “Need a shrink? Go to a woman and she’ll psychoanalyse you for free and then try to save you. Win win dude”

8) “Have you heard the new Miley Cyrus song? Racking Ball yaar, What a masterpiece!”

9) Kid – Uncle, give me one Bisleri bottle, 1 litre.
Shopkeeper – Which one?
Kid – Aquafina

10) “You need to first master the art of thinking to think outside the box. Dumbass”

Internet

(If you have a list you’d like to share, or if you have ideas for top tens I could write up, don’t forget to leave a comment!)