It is Throwback Thursday time and it’s a rehash of an old post. This is what a 19year old me scribbled on the back of a notebook. The book was full of handwritten descriptions of Greek and Roman Gods that I had jotted down from an old frayed encyclopedia I had found thrown on the corner of the basketball court in university. This journal also contained a signed photo of Rupert Grint, but that is a story for another day. For now, I give you – my big gamble!

My life was planned with precision – it had its own schedule.

There was a plan to be happy.

A plan to be known,

A plan to fall in love,

A plan to be young, forever.

Nobody told me that to be happy is to risk creating memories.

To be known, is to risk losing the ability to trust,

To love is to risk appearing a fool,

To be young is to risk being rash.

There was a plan to love unconditionally.

A plan to make friends,

A plan to express every thought,

A plan to be alive.

I wish they had told me that to love is to risk not being loved in return.

To express is to risk being yourself,

To be alive is to risk getting addicted.

I planned my life to be the greatest adventure – to love, to question, to stand up for myself.

In the scheme of things, I never planned for a broken heart.

It never crossed my mind that to try is to risk failing.

I never thought I’d be the prodigal child.

I never planned to hurt or be hurt.

I never planned to let go.

I never planned to pray.

The lessons I have learnt are painful.

Who would’ve thought that to live, you would need a death?

My quest for truth led to completion and healing.

No one told me that my greatest weakness would become my greatest strength.

To believe is to risk being free.

To be saved is to risk discarding walls.

To love is to risk being healed.